My Thoughts on Marriage

My Thoughts on Marriage

The theology of marriage is ancient. In Genesis 1:26-28 God states his purpose for humans, to put His image on the earth. To do so, he made a human male and a human female. Both are required to capture the essence of God. In Genesis 2 we see that Eve is made from the same stuff as Adam, a rib, a piece of His innards. We also see in Genesis 2 that a new household is formed when a man leaves his parents and joins in sexual union with his wife. The image of God, then is found in the close union of one man and one woman, made of the same stuff, yet different. The sex act was designed not primarily for recreation or even procreation, but for incarnation of the image of God on earth.

Now some pastors have taken this theology and accounts of Isaac’s marriage to Rebekah, which takes place without ceremony to mean that if a couple engages in sex, they are married in God’s sight. These pastors feel that the church should declare these couples married. 

I find this problematic. First, God presents Eve to Adam. The word used for brought is also used in other places to describe marriage. God performed the first marriage and that’s about as solemn as can be. Abraham had prayed over and consulted God regarding Isaac’s bride. Abraham sent his most respected servant with engagement gifts and God pointed Rebekah out to  this servant through miraculous timing. I don’t believe a one night fling is equivalent to the bringing together of Isaac and Rebekah.

So, ideally, marriage is the bringing together of two different people, male and female, under God’s direction to form a new family and display the image of God to the world through this couple.

My Methods Of Marriage Counseling And Ceremony

Now, the world is far from ideal. I recognize a person’s birth gender exclusively. I believe the Bible clearly teaches that marriage is only for one man and one woman for life. I do recognize the validity of divorcing for marital infidelity. I do recognize divorcing for desertion over one spouse’s faith in Christ when the non believing spouse wants out. I do recognize that God can forgive divorce and restore a person to a place where they are ready to marry again.

I generally counsel in 3 sessions. Meeting 1 I seek to get to know them and see how well they know each other. I push on key issues of spiritual agreement, money, child raising, decision making and family backgrounds. 

In session 2 we go through the parts of the ceremony, including the vows. This gives me a chance to talk about the union being lifetime. By the end of this session, we have the ceremony mapped out. We also chat about marital sex. If one or both partners have been divorced. This is where I bring up the ghosts of past relationships. These ghosts can be handled with God's grace. 

Session 3 wraps up any loose ends. We make sure of all the details and that a rehearsal has been confirmed with all of the participants. Florist, photographer and other pros are taken into account.